I’m trying to put a name to this feeling, but I can’t. I’m sure there is one… I just don’t know what it is.
After almost three months of no new community cases of infection in our country, this virus is rearing its ugly head. Whereas our case numbers have slowly increased over the last few months, we took comfort in knowing that all of these cases were imported on repatriation flights and were carefully isolated in State quarantine facilities. In the last few days, however, we have heard reports of at least two new cases in persons with no recent travel history. This news comes despite our borders being closed.
All of this, however, is not the cause of whatever it is that I’m feeling; it’s simply bringing it to the surface.
Let me see if I can describe my thoughts…
The word ‘suspended’ comes to mind. I feel as if I am operating in a state of limbo, hovering ever so slightly between reality and science fiction.
The word ‘weary’ comes to mind. I’ve had quite enough of the uncertainty and of the inability to rely on routine.
The word ‘concerned’ comes to mind. I worry for the immense losses being sustained, in every sense of the word, and I wonder what will be required of us to recover.
Am I fearful? Yes.
Am I fed up? Absolutely.
Am I losing hope? No. No I am not.
Why, you may ask?
Because I’m learning that how we may feel doesn’t have to dictate how we react.
We can be afraid and still have courage.
We can be uncertain and still move forward.
We can be exhausted and still show up, both for ourselves and for others.
And so, even though I’ve tried to name this feeling, I won’t dwell on it. I won’t act on it. I won’t give it control.
Instead of calling it by its name I will call it out for what it is: just a feeling.
I will focus my energy on working through it.
And then, I will let it go.
This was a FABULOUS post!
Unlike you, I’m doing the complete opposite of you! I am giving it control because my fears are so great. Oh how I wish I could feel differently!
I’m so scared. I can’t believe how our lives have changed. I see no joy or goodness.
I applaud your strength!
Beautiful blog and I too applaud your strength to rise above your feeling. I am trying to figure out what to do with my life now and was trying to find something creative and new to focus on before covid. My biz is dead and I feel more lost then ever. I think it will take tremendous inspiration and strength to get un stuck and I hope the universe will help me and so many like me.
You use the words ‘lost’ and ‘stuck’. I think that so many people can relate to these feelings. I do, however, think that we have also demonstrated immense resilience thus far, as we have had to deal with so much in such a short timeframe. We feel lost, but we can find ourselves in all of this mess. We feel stuck, but we have been constantly adapting. Our strength is there and it is being revealed, we need only recognize and embrace it.
I know what it is to sit with my fear. If I’m honest, I had allowed my fear to control me for a very long time. I still struggle with it, but I am learning to tackle fear one moment at a time, choosing presence, trying to reframe and to see situations differently. There is so much life to be lived on the other side of fear. There is joy and goodness all around us, if we allow ourselves to see them. I am hopeful that we can all find that strength to sit with our fears…and then let them go.
So sad. thank you so much for you sharing your feelings with us. It has put tears into my eyes. It felt profoundly scary and very relatable. Beautiful feeling to bear. Sending hugs to you. Much love.
Thank you, Laura, and thanks for reading!
This is a wonderful reminder, thank you.
And I feel seen, in your words, thank you for that too.
Thank you for saying that, Peggy!
Beautiful….thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you, Ann!
You have perfectly described my feelings, but couldn’t pinpoint. I read, then it was, “Hmm, yes. Yes. Oh, yes, absolutely!” Thank you for this!
Cat
I’m so happy to hear this spoke to you!
Always a sensitive and well thought out post. Thank you!
Thank you, Rob!
My upbringing in fear has conditionned my reactions. I know that and I can name that feeling. It takes away the strength of this emotion. I know this feeling so well. Never knew how to fight back the feeling. This is a marvelous text to honor strength. Thanks, Angelina.
Thank you! You’ve raised an interesting point. Perhaps it’s less about fighting back the feeling and more about recognising it and then letting it go completely.