My Song of Choice

“Eenie eenie niney mo…”

I stifled my laugh as I listened to my littlest love finish her recitation of unintelligible and mostly made-up words.

I had asked her to choose which type of pasta she wanted me to make with dinner. As I held the two different types of pasta in front of her, she summoned her trusty pointer finger and began to alternate between touching each pack while singing her literal song of choice.

I watched on as she rounded her final lap of melodic finger taps and with a robust “eenie eenie niney mo” her finger landed on the pack of penne pasta.

She paused for a brief second and, as if underwhelmed with her selection, she began her tune all over again.

This rounds, she timed her rhythmic movements to ensure that her final tap landed on the pack of elbow pasta. As her final ‘niney mo’ touched the pack, she looked up at me beaming from her pick. “This one, mummy” she declared.

I kissed the top of her head, thanked her for her selection, and busied myself with dinner.

As I emptied the pack of elbow pasta into the pot of boiling water, I couldn’t help but think about what I had just witnessed.

The truth is, I couldn’t help but relate to what had just happened.

I thought of the very many times when I had a choice or a decision to make, each option held out before me in raw form for selection. I thought of the varied motions that I would go through in making my selection, chants of “eenie meenie miney mo” perhaps replaced with ruminations of “Heart or head; want or should. Can I do what I wish I could?”.

We tend to choose the option that presents itself first. This option is usually a safe one. An expected one. The natural course to be followed.

But how many of us can identify with that feeling of underwhelm that can accompany that selection? How many of us, regardless of the routines, or the motions that we have gone through in making that selection, have given voice to that feeling deep down that knows that that choice is not a right fit?

I fear far too many of us can relate.

But it doesn’t stop there. What happens next?

Do we stick with our choice because we have invested far too much time or effort in making it?

Do we pursue that decision because we have gone through the motions and so we resign ourselves to the fact that we must accept the result?

Do we stay with our selection because it was presented first, it is what is expected of us and because it is a sure thing?

I know I have.

But I’ve also sat with that feeling. That feeling of disappointment and underwhelm. That inkling that the first choice isn’t necessarily the right choice. That realisation that I may just want something different, regardless of where the rhythms of life have ushered me.

And maybe you have, too.

At any given time, we are presented with a multitude of choices. Many are insignificant, such as a choice of pasta. But some… some have the ability to change the course of our lives. To take us from underwhelmed to fulfilled. To take us from routine to purpose. To take us from expected to meaningful.

I no longer want to depart from the crossroad along my chosen path while looking back longingly at my desired course.

I want the courage to admit when a decision doesn’t fit.

I want the boldness to know and accept that I am worthy of pursuing what I want for my life, even if that means making a new choice.

I want to be brave enough to start my song again, and to change up the words and the rhythm to my liking.

So…what will it be?
Will I choose safety over freedom?
Will I choose fitting in over authenticity?
Will I choose the expected over the meaningful?

Eenie eenie niney mo…