Something amazing happened last night.
But first, let me back track a bit…
Almost one year ago – on December 18th, 2021- I set a goal to meditate every day for an entire year. At first, it was difficult to quiet my mind for more than a few moments, but the more I practiced, the easier it was to gently draw my attention away from wandering and guide it back to my breathing.
I have been extremely diligent with this goal, and would often feel proud of myself when seeing the stats of my meditation sessions on the app that I use.
Last night, my kids slept over at my parents’ home and my husband had to work. And so, having the house all to myself, I decided to stay up late and watch a show that I’ve been enjoying but haven’t really had the time to watch (mostly because the storyline leaves me a sobbing, blubbering mess…I love it!) After enjoying more episodes than planned, I settled into bed and reached for my phone to do my daily meditation…only to see that it was 8 minutes past midnight. I had missed a calendar day of meditation and my consecutive days score went from 349 days to 0.
I had missed a day merely 16 days shy of my goal.
I felt winded for a brief moment. As I stared at the big, fat 0 at the top of the page, the old familiar excuses crept in and I considered not meditating at all:
“It’s really late.”
“I’m too tired.”
“What does it matter anyway? I’ve already messed it up and missed my goal.”
That’s when the amazing thing happened…
I immediately shoved all (seemingly valid) excuses to the side, selected the track that I wanted and began my meditation without giving it a second thought.
Because now I know that while the numbers on the app could track my progress, they could never measure my growth.
While the stats showed my sessions, they failed to account for my worth.
And while my consistency was being recorded, the sense of peace that I have gained through showing up each and every day for myself and nourishing my deep need for stillness was off the charts.
Even though I had been building an impressive count of consecutive days on the app, I was unknowingly building something much greater and of far more value:
The habit of following through for myself.
The daily experience of meeting myself at my point of need.
The understanding that not all growth can be measured, charted, documented or recorded.
When I finished my meditation, I again looked at my screen and I smiled. In that moment, I felt more proud to see the number 1 above my consecutive day count than I had ever felt before, because that’s exactly how we show up boldly for ourselves, dismantle our perfectionist poisons and offer ourselves much needed grace:
In the tiny moments.
In the little things.
In the day by day.
I had set a goal to meditate daily for 365 days.
In the process, I built a habit of showing up for me.
Who could have known that the most important score on that journey would be the number 1?